Let Down

Well, by now most of you know, the transplant is not going to happen Tuesday.

Its kinda hard to write about this and not be emotional. I mean, we were admitted. We were sent home with our papers and our perscriptions and our 'after care' instructions. When I went back to work after being admitted, everyone from the bank was wearing their little green ribbons for us. I had my list of things I needed to pack for the hospital. The kids' teachers knew what was going on and they were getting the kids homework ready for them to be gone on Tuesday. WE WERE DOWN TO THE LAST MINUTE! ......and then the email came from my coordinator explaining things may be delayed. And then I saw I had a voicemail on my cell phone from Nathanial........I knew it wasn't good news.

Apparently, the doctors here in Wichita didn't fully understand the complications of having Nathanial as a patient. He's not your average kidney patient. He needs infectious disease specialists and blood pathologist specialists and neprologists and a bunch of other 'ists' that I can't even remember. I thought the doctors were acting rather cavalier about him all along. I was concerned that everyone on the transplant team was checking me out to death and not hardly even contacting Nathanial. But then again, I thought maybe it was just because I was so close here in town that they all knew me.

Nathanial will be here in Wichita again tomorrow. He is visiting with a long list of doctors and specialists and he is going to have his bone marrow tested (gag!). And after an exhaustingly stressful day for everyone in the family, I am hoping we have more answers. Its no fun to log onto my facebook and see my time-counter that says "two more days until transplant". It makes me cry. It was no fun to go to church today and have everyone say "oh Hilary, its almost here! We'll all be praying for you Tuesday" and then I have to explain the whole story again. Everytime I explain it, I start crying all over again like a little baby.

And Nathanial, on the other hand, is acting like this is no big deal! I admire his strength and his faith so much. I'm the one whining like the world is going to end on Tuesday and he's all like 'oh well, this is good. They'll fix whatever is going on and THEN we'll do the transplant. No biggie!' He's awesome like that. Its totally normal for him to be awesome like that. And its totally normal for me to cry a lot when things don't go my way. Thats why he deserves to have this kidney. And SOON!!

So please pray! Pray pray pray pray pray. There's a plan here--and none of us know what it is yet--we just have to have faith!! I am believing that this is just going to be a minor setback. I am going to believe that by Christmas Nathanial will have his new kidney. (because I was going to use that as my gift for him this year. lol) I am going to believe that by all these new doctors becoming involved with Nathanial, he will be even healthier than we ever thought! I am going to believe that there will be no more complications and operation kidney transplant will once again resume!!

~ Hil