Get the Show on the Road

Now comes the hardest part of the whole ordeal for me........ waiting.

I'm done with the bloodwork (for the most part). I'm done with the urine collecting. I'm done with the xrays and the IV's and the radiologist and the therapist. I'm done with the social worker and the EKG. I'm done with the phone calls and the coordinating my schedule and the trips to the hospital. Now all I have to do is wait.

For those of you who don't know me very well, I'll fill you in. I'm not a very patient person. I tend to jump into things head first as quickly as possible. Dad used to have a saying - think first, then act. As often as he would tell me that, somehow I have always ALWAYS done everything in my entire life the opposite. I tend to act first and then think about it (after its too late). While I don't claim this as a very good method, I seem to have survived okay this far in life. I have gotten myself into a few messes.....I once sat our row of hedges on fire as a kid because, without thinking first, I was lighting and throwing fireworks into them. My friend and I once decided on our lunch break to go and get our hands pierced in the little fleshy part between our thumb and forefinger (not very convienant for a banker). I have had the cops call my parents in the middle of the night because I was using their vehicle, and without thinking, I parked it in a towzone while I went and partied. I once moved to Kansas City on a whim, without the financial ability to actually succeed up there, and had to move back only three months later. You get the point. I'm not proud of these things, but I'm drawing a picture here....

So yesterday as I was leaving the psychologist office, I was thinking to myself about how we could just have the surgery tomorrow if we wanted. I mean, all the tests are done. Nathanial is healthy now. WHY ARE WE WAITING?!?!?!? Lets get this show on the road already!

I get that its a process. I get that the doctors want to thoroughly go over my medical records before making the final decision. I get that Nathanial should attend one more of his 'advanced kidney recipient' classes. I get it! But at the same time....every day this is put off is another day things have a chance to go wrong. I don't want to be a debbie downer, but one can't help but think of Nathanials health. If he gets a cold, he'll be put in the hospital and it could delay things for weeks! If he gets an infection, same thing. What if I get H1N1 in the meantime!?

Here is the procession of what is left before surgery:
*my medical records have to arrive in the renal department and Dr Shields has to go over them
*Nathanial has to attend one more 'Advanced Renal Transplant' class (scheduled for October 20th)
*Mark, the coordinator, has to schedule a time that the surgeons can meet with Nathanial and I to decide on the actual date of transplant (I was told this meeting probably wouldn't take place until the last week of October-boo!)

Thats it! See how close we are now! OH man! Everybody please pray for Nathanials health between now and then pleeeeeaaaaaaase! In the meantime, I'm going to keep taking my vitamins and exercising everyday. I'm going to use the hand sanitizer and wash my hands everytime I shake someone's hand at work. I'm going to get plenty of rest and I'm going to eat my veggies. Hope that does the trick!

My Jugs

So........its about nine o'clock and I'm getting ready for bed soon. I have this dilema, because I don't know exactly how I'm going to hide these pee jugs at work tomorrow. As gross as this is, I have to save every last drop of pee for 24 hours starting tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up. I'm doing whats called a "creatinine test". You see, a few years ago, my little brother had several really bad things go wrong with this body which resulted in him having total kidney failure. He's been on dialysis for three years. Actually, this month is the anniversary of the hospitalization which caused his kidneys to take a permanent vacation.

Wow...three years. Three years of going to the hospital three times a week and being hooked to machines that take all of his blood out, clean it, and then return it to its rightful place.....back inside of him. Three years of multiple surgeries to remove and replace the 'plugs' that connect his veins and arteries to these machines. Three years of never getting to travel further than a days car ride from the hospital. Three years of what I can only imagine is pure misery. Of course, I don't pretend to understand what he's going through. I'm sure the things he's endured the past three years are beyond my realm of comprehension. That is why I am starting this blog.

I have completed some preliminary testing and have been determined a suitable donor for Nathanial (my brother). There are more tests to complete before we can actually schedule the transplant, but I am going to start sharing the experience through this blog starting now. I am going to post blogs, and I am going to ask him to post blogs. Together, we will document our journey throughout the kidney transplant process. I will post my perspective of things, and he will post his. And maybe, in a few years, we can go back and read this and have one of those "oh remember when" moments. Maybe other people in our same situation can read our blog and it will relieve some of their angst. Or maybe it will result in nothing more than therapy.

But back to my jugs. Because this creatinine test involves 24 hours of pee, and because I was gone most of the weekend, I have to start tomorrow morning. Which means hauling my not-so-discreet jugs to work. I think I can fit them in a bag to get them into and out of the bank. But I'm not so sure my co-workers want my bottles of urine sitting in the fridge of our break room. I will have to wrap them in some sort of larger bag....maybe a paper grocery sack that is stapled shut...before putting them in the fridge. Dilemma number two: do I tell my coworkers what is in the jugs? Or do I just let them think the fridge is a 'pee-free' zone. I mean, I don't want to gross them out, but I don't want to not tell them and have them find out either. I guess I will just cross that bridge when I get to it.

After the 24 hour pee collection process, I have a series of tests scheduled at St Francis with the lab. The renal donor coordinator (whom I love, by the way) is named Mark Blackmore. Mark has really been awesome . He says his sole job right now is making sure I'm safe. He makes sure I get all the rights tests so that if I am the donor, nothing goes wrong with me afterwards. I, for one, think that sounds like a really good idea! However, one of the tests he has scheduled for Tuesday seem like something out of one of my nightmares. There are the easy ones....the chest XRay and the bloodwork. There is the EKG and the AIDS test. There is the hepatitis test and the physical exam. But the one that gets to me is the IVP--the Xray of the kidneys, ureters and pelvis. Apparently, they are going to hook me to an IV for this test. There are only two things I am terrified of in this whole entire world. Those are: being abducted by an alien and IV's.

I am not just a little scared of Tuesdays tests, I am MORTIFIED. I will most likely pass out at least twice before they get the IV all connected right. I get nervous and I start shaking, making it very difficult for the nurse to insert the needle. Then, apparently, even my veins are nervous, because they always start rolling making it even more difficult for the nurses. Once, when I was in full blown labor, it took three nurses to hold me down to get the IV in my arm.....and then (mind you, I was in full blown labor) I fainted. I am tough in a lot of situations, but tell me you are going to shove a needle into one of my veins and I am a weinie. So, as you can conclude, I am a little less than excited for Tuesday to get here.

I will record more of my experience tomorrow. For now, I would like to leave one final thought for my first Organ Trail blog. A lot of people have remarked lately that I must be very brave. They have made comments like, "oh, you're such an angel to do this for your brother", or "what a great thing you are willing to sacrifice for Nathanial". While these comments are meant with the best intentions, it usually leaves me feeling a little weirded out. I compare it to walking past someone who is drowning. Even strangers jump into a lake to save someone who is drowning. Certainly, if it was your own sibling, one would jump in to save them! I am by no means a hero. I am by no means a brave soul. I am a sister who loves my brother and hates his suffering. I am human. And I am scared.